Overwhelmed

I know this word can have a bad connotation but in our case right now it's running both ways.

Since last November I have been reading through a little book called Outrageous Love by Sheila Walsh. Let's just say it's my "potty book". I usually only have enough time between girls to read maybe a sentence or two at a time. Moms understand what I mean...we are just never alone :)Well, it has spurred me on to think about God's love for me...how does he express it to me outside of the obvious giving of His son Jesus.

When the Lord spoke to us about me staying home with the kids, we struggled. It really made no sense but He continued to work at our hearts. The day we submitted to His desire for us was hard. I was excited yet nervous yet unprepared yet excited so more. What a range of emotions! I was even at the eye doctor about three weeks ago and had to write down my occupation on the paperwork...I sat there with tears in my eyes before I wrote none. I felt like such a failure yet knowing "Mom" is a great full time job. I didn't realize how much of my identity was in my career. That's another post though.

This has continued literally until this last week.

The Lord began to show me since summer began that Klaire was not doing alot of the developmental cues that her age should be doing. I really try hard not to compare but moms just notice stuff. :) I began to just sit on my knees by her bed when she would sleep and ask the Lord to show me what to do differently...to forgive me for not giving her enough attention...to give me a reason for the delay and I would change it. People have told me a million times that it's all because she's the second one...it's normal for them not to talk, it's normal for parents to not spend as much time with them, reading and such...or because they are just so close together. Talk about a passive aggressive guilt trip. No one means harm but the heart is like a sponge these days with opinions. That's a whole different post.

We also have noticed for awhile now that Klaire doesn't respond to most sounds. We have done our own array of testing at home from banging pots to hollering to loud music. No of which gave me any hope that she could hear me.

We took Karoline to see her ENT for a post op visit and hearing test with her Audiologist. While there, the Lord prompted me to ask about Klaire. He said it was never to early to do a hearing test and results under the age of 3 are life changing.

Klaire has pulled on her ears since day one. I used to take her all the time and the doctor always would tell me that she didn't have an ear infection but just fluid. That diagnosis really doesn't help me. Anyways, she was still pulling that day so I felt the Lord prompt me to take her in.

They immediately referred me to ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) and the ENT for a full hearing evaluation.

Literally, the next week...we had our initial visit, evaluations, and enrollment...bang, bang, bang.

The news we got was not what was expected. To be brief, she is about a year delayed in her communication, social, emotional and cognitive skills. She is above her age in all gross and fine motor skills.

It really does explain so many things. I was kind of hoping that would say that I am just crazy and over analyzing but they didn't. I was at most thinking they would agree that she was a little behind but would naturally catch up but they didn't.

They said that we need to be patient with her and be prepared for the road ahead. What does that mean????

At first, they wanted to begin teaching her signs to relieve frustrations but after looking at her outside of the testing, they don't think she is ready for it yet.

Defeat again.

We are scheduled for the ENT on the 25th of August. I have called everyday for cancellations. No luck yet.

The therapists say that almost all delays with communication come from the ears. Those worlds of hearing, communication, emotions, socialization, and cognitive thinking run so closely intertwined.

I really feel like the ENT will shed light on her. Either she has a hearing impairment and we will take Road A or she needs has too much fluid, needs tubes and we will take Road B or the Lord is going to create Road C.

All Roads are going to continue to build our faith and glorify Him!

All this to say...God loves us. I wish I was a better writer to articulate the beauty of the truth He is teaching me! God loves me so much that He waited until I was at home and able to get Klaire the help she needs. I am home to work with her and to equip her. He is not cruel. His timing is perfect. Though the trials that build our faith may come, He brings them at the moment that we need them. He equips us to handle our trials, not giving us anymore than we can handle.

I am overwhelmed with how much He loves us.