In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling. Exodus 15:13



Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Reason

Reason. Sometimes we don't know the reason and wish we did. Sometimes we think we know it. Sometimes we just want to keep in the bliss of ignorance. These seem to be my three categories of reasons. I think it's ok for them to overlap too.

I have heard people say that there is a visable thread of the blood of Jesus throughout scripture. From Genesis to Revelation. Yes, I can see that He is there and He is good. What about our lives though? Can you see his hand from beginning to end?

Days I see it bright as the sun, days I struggle to find the blood in all the haziness of life. But, let me be clear. Truth tells me again and again, that He is there. He is here. He is my God. He is my protector, redeemer, friend. He is my everything. I have to daily separate the Truth from what my womanly and worldy emotions sway me to believe.

I knew Jesus when I small. I knew who He was. I knew that He loved me. I knew that He was what I did on Sundays and Wednesdays. I knew that I loved Him. I knew that He died for all my sins. Let's just say I knew alot.

There came a summer after my sophmore year in college where I realized that "knowing" alot wasn't going to cut it anymore. I had to make a choice. There were two paths. One wide and one narrow. This choice would set the path for the rest of my days. Lukewarm wouldn't cut it anymore. It was time for me to choose.

So...I chose. I chose my Jesus. I didn't see stars or the heavens opening. I didn't have a party and people shook my hand. It was so much more. My heart was new. My heart was busts at the seems with joy and love of my Saviour. That was the moment I knew that this was it. This was what I wanted every moment of every day for the rest of my life.

I wish I could say that after that day life has been peachy but it's just not true. Jesus doesn't make life easy or perfect. He makes it worth the pain. He makes it worth the suffering. He makes it perfect in His ways.

Looking back, my story is not normal by any means. But...it's His story in me. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

These are a few of my heart's reflection this year...

Wish I knew the reason why...
-my heart was broken.
-my heart can be so bitter.
-judy never gave up on me.
-my choices were so bad.
-people were taken away.

I think I know the reason why...
-my dad showed up in court that day and fought for me.
-cindy and scott built a beautiful doll house
-my mammaw and poppy are always just a phone call away.
-jared never stopped pursuing me.
-my children are here.
-I am here.
I hope I never know the reason...
-my birth mom chose to not show up in court that day.

I know that the Lord is sovereign. He has guided my life without me even knowing. He has loved me on the days that I didn't know I loved Him. He has pursued me relentlessly. He has never given up on me.

He is the reason for life. He is the reason we are alive.

3 comments:

The McCoys said...

Krystal,

I have one of those really long days and it is only 3:22. Dylan is not home, my house is a disaster, I have teacher certification stuff to work out, and a million other things...so I have a long way to go. But I am so glad I took the time to read this. It really puts things into perspective. That throughout my crazy-busy day today, there was a reason I endured all the craziness. Thank you for this, you truly inspire me.

Tricia

Amanda said...

I love you, Krystal!

Anonymous said...

You are so great!